Lost Boys: The Tribe

I’ve got some crazy news, you guys! This movie wasn’t atrocious!

lost boys poster by you.

I mean, it was kinda dumb and derivative and overly self-referential, and the Feld probably had to have his stomach pumped after chewing all that scenery, but hey—it mostly kept my attention the entire time. That’s more than I could have hoped!

My non-hatred of Lost Boys: The Tribe is mostly due to the fact that the main sibling duo, Tad Hilgenbrink and The O.C.‘s Autumn Reeser, are actually pretty cute, kind of believable, and not at all annoying.  That is KEY.

sibs by you.

Reeser and Hilgenbrink play Chris and Nicole Emerson, ostensibly cousins to original sibling duo Sam and Michael Emerson (Corey Haim and Jason Patric), although neither so hot as Michael nor so manically fey as Sam.

Chris and Nicole have lost their parents and come to rent a house from their chipper Aunt Jillian (Gabrielle Rose). Chris used to be a seriously decent surfer, and he casually befriends Big Deal Surfer Who’s Also Totally a Vampire, Shane:

sutherland by you.

Shane’s got his eye on Nicole, and although his shtick is kind of painfully cheesy and soulful, it’s also weirdly…sexy. It’s also weirdly…Sutherlandy. That’s because Angus Sutherland, brother of Kiefer, took on the mantle of Intense Blonde Vampire in this franchise.

kiefer3 by you.

I kind of liked Angus, with his lispy drawl and broody eyes, but make no mistake—he’s no Kiefer. Regardless, he tricks Nicole into drinking his blood and she turns all vampy, which was kind of disappointing because she’s SO CUTE and sparkly-eyed before she turns all typically this:

vamp sis by you.

But, you know, still pretty cute! Oh, a note on the non-Sutherland vampires: SO OBNOXIOUS. The hench vamps are all hyper and fratty and terrible. HATE.

other vamp by you.

So Chris recruits the efforts of remaining Frog brother Edgar, aka Corey Feldman, aka this movie suddenly turned crappy?:

shooty feld by you.

I’ve got to give the Feld some kudos for the fact that he has seriously not aged ONE day since the original Lost Boys, making me think that maybe he’s a vampire in real life?

frog bros by you.

But dude, what he has gained in age-defying prowess, he has also gained in suckitude. He was SO RIDICULOUS in this movie, so raspy and cornball and annoying as hell, growling out lines like “Who ordered the STAKE?” in a way that somehow did not seem awesomely stupid, just stupidly stupid. Oddly, this random Lost Boys straight-to-vid sequel filled with nobodies would have been a BETTER movie without Feldman. It might have been kind of good! Sort of.

So what the movie’s got going for it is a Tom Savini cameo, a Corey Haim cameo, totally decent cinematography, cute leads, a tremendous amount of nudity and gratuitous sex, some original deaths, and loads more nudity and gratuitous sex. And an awesome Point Breaky dude-infiltrates-the-evil-surfers-because-he-too-is-a-surfer plot.

vamp and bro by you.

So yeah, Chris uses his surfing skillz to convince Shane to turn him into a vampire, too, with the plan that, like the first movie, if they kill the head vampire before the siblings make their first kill, they’ll be turned back to normal. Shane falls for it pretty easily, I think because he’s maybe hoping for a newly-vamped-siblings threesome.

Anyway, it’s got some very good gore, and some very lame gore, a boatload of blood vomit, and some rockin’ hot chemistry between Autumn Reeser and Sutherland The Lesser:

sis and vamp by you.

Their sex scene is the hotness! The movie tries to be original through some lame shizz like having the vampires turn to marble in the sunlight, but it also taught me something brand new, that blood and saltwater are virtually identical in composition, apparently? My extensive research into this theory (consisting of 30 seconds on Google) is inconclusive.

So that’s about it! Rent it if you’re bored.

12 Responses to “Lost Boys: The Tribe”

  1. blood has a lot more stuff in it, but it is mostly saltwater. and angus sutherland was in an episode of dollhouse?! apparently he was a character named ilya i don’t remember from the blind cult episode.

  2. xymarla Says:

    Thank you, Rev! I was kind of hoping you could confirm or deny that little factoid. Yeah, I saw that about Angus but didn’t remember him either. He’s got that cult-y look about him, though, so that’s good casting.

    Oh look, I found him! In the flickr for my Dollhouse blog:

  3. “the Feld probably had to have his stomach pumped after chewing all that scenery, but hey”

    Possibly my favorite thing you’ve ever written. EVER!

  4. hey hey that picture you linked to is private? i wanna see! cos hello head surfer dude is THE HOTNESS!!

    in fact i might watch this movie just cos of the “point break”ness you alluded to. oh man i love me some point break (and not just cos of KR, but, ok, he has something to do with it).

    and now i wish patrick swayze had been in this movie instead of corey feldman. now *there’s* a man who knows how to chew scenery appropriately.

  5. I got to stalk Corey the Feldman as part of a documentary skit for a comedy tv pilot a few years ago. This was when Corey was touring with his “rock band.” He came through Austin, and the show producers had a team of obsessive Corey fans pretending they’d been camping out for days in front of the club, so they could be first in line to see his show. I was part of a documentary crew that was following them around.

    When Corey showed up, they all went crazy, throwing themselves at his tour bus (an SUV), screaming his name, smearing their “blood” on his windows, etc. The best part was that Corey totally bought it, and didn’t seem the least bit surprised at our ardor. He made a big show of dashing to the back entrance to avoid us, and instructed the club that he would need extra protection from his fans.

    The show, incidentally, was AWESOME. Not because the music was good (it wasn’t) or because he’s such a great singer/performer (he’s not), but because every single song was about how tough it is to be Corey Feldman! Towards the end of the show, he actually accepted one of the “Corey fan club” shirts we were throwing at him, and even put it on for the last song!

    As far as I know, Corey still believes that he’s got an obsessive, camping-gear-equipped, blood-smearing fan club in Austin. Let’s never tell him otherwise.

    Sorry, I know this is only tangentally related to your review, but I don’t get a lot of opportunities to tell my stalking-Corey-Feldman story. Excellent review, btw!

  6. xymarla Says:

    Feldman appeared for the Goonies Rolling Roadshow event I went to several years ago, and he told several stories, all of which involved how tough it is to be Corey Feldman. Including one story about how Michael Jackson totally abandoned him and wouldn’t let him on his jet in NYC after 9.11 because of some petty fight they were in.

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  8. I love that freakin movie

  9. crushin on angus suthernland Says:

    I have a new crush. And its on Angus Sutherland. I loved his passion in the sex scene in the lost boys the tribe. And the cry lil sister remix isnt that bad. I am ready to be a vampire if shane powers is doing the bitting. Shit id probably take a sip of the fine wine in this movie. ANGUS SUTHERLAND IS A SEXY SULTRY AND DEEP GAZING VAMPIRE. HED KICK EDWARDS ASS.

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  11. i am big fan of lost boys movies and wander if there will be a 4th one and can you bring back jason paatric and corey feldman and dinne wiest. thankes.

  12. Wow, amazing blog site framework! The time are you currently running a blog for? you will be making blog glimpse quick. The total appearance of your respective website is great, let alone this content!

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