It’s News Day Tuesday!

presskid by you.

More scoopy goodness for my dears!

Box office-wise, Michael Bay is still managing to crap out billions of dollars without breaking a sweat, The Hangover is hanging in there at third, UP is at a well-deserved fifth, Star Trek will remain in the Top 10 until Judgment Day, and Away We Go is at a surprising and pleasing 10th.

AnAmericanWerewolfInLondon

In fists of fury news, DaybreakersFurst Brothers are eyeing a remaking of An American Werewolf in London, in order to thoroughly bore and depress everyone ever. Oh and you can check out the official Daybreakers trailer here.

In REALLY BIG, RED, PULSING fists of fury news, Matt Reeves is trying to convince the entire world that he has a soul and we shouldn’t hate him. Yeah, good luck with that, chump. Even though I liked Cloverfield.

old-boy-poster

GAH! $*#$&%&#!!!!!! WHAT?! GAHHH SONOFABITCH! Okay. Sorry. Deep breaths. It’s only that a remake of Oldboy by Steven Spielberg and starring Will Smith sounds like someone just trying to mess with me. IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? Because you guys, it’s not funny. Cut it out! Be serious here.

Remake? Boo. Guillermo del Toro? YAY! Katie Holmes? Boo. Guy Pearce? Yay! The cast fills out.

box of shadows

YOU GUYS, CHECK THIS OUT. A new horror movie that is NOT a remake! Crazytoons, no?

Really,  Yoshi? Bloodier than Tokyo Gore Police? I’ll be there.

Thanks to PoshD for a Smallville heads up: Callum Blue will play the new, actual incarnation of Zod for S9.

Oh and is there a feature film in store for Smallville? This is all very grain-of-salty, but squee! nonetheless.

And Smallville‘s macho little brother Supernatural has cast creepy-ass Mark Pellegrino (aka, piece of shit Paul from Dexter) as the S5 big bad. And I mean REALLY big, and REALLY bad.

The Final Destination is rated R for 3D blood and boobs!

I’m kind of surprised to hear that Zack Snyder is getting a one-week, four-venue big screen release of the director’s cut of Watchmen, since the theatrical cut didn’t do so hot at the box office. But good on him!

grindhouse

Grindhouse is apparently going to be released as a joint DVD (with both Death Proof and Planet Terror in one package).

the box

Gah, the trailer for Richard Kelly’s The Box looks dumb. It’s based on the cool, subtle Richard Matheson short story “Button, Button,” but it looks about as subtle as a tsunami. Also, Cameron Diaz’s “Southern” accent makes me want to eat a gun.

Michael+Jackson

Finally, I’d like to give a heartfelt peace out to the King of Pop. Thanks, MJ, for making every party a dance party. You’ll be missed.

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6 Responses to “It’s News Day Tuesday!”

  1. Will Smith in Old Boy? WHAT? I love Will Smith more than I love various members of my family (to be fair, it is rare that any members of my family get jiggy wit it. and none of them dress as well as he does.) but WTF BRAIN DOES NOT COMPUTE. I know he wants to be all SRS ACTOR and everything but I think Old Boy may NOT be the image he wants to go for? just a thought.

    I would pour one out for MJ but I need all the alcohol I can find to numb the pain of his passing.

  2. These remakes are getting wayyy out of hand!

  3. If Spielberg and The Fresh Prince are determined to do a remake, they should consider…hmmm… retiring, actually. Isn’t it enough, Will Smith, that your son is remaking The Karate Kid? I know it’s been said before, but DON’T REMAKE SOMETHING UNLESS YOU CAN IMPROVE ON IT, and even then, JUST DON’T REMAKE IT. Do something better with a similar theme, maybe. Or just walk the fuck away and make a new movie.

    I still hold out hope that the American Werewolf remake won’t end up happening. Shit, can’t they just do another sequel? Or, you know, a new movie, even one that involves werewolves and humor?

    Also agree that The Box looks retarded, and I will join you for a dinner of gun and hot lead if I have to hear Cameron Diaz’s southern belle routine. I did love the original story, though, so at least there’s good source material.

    Finally, am I the only one who really enjoyed 80% ofWatchmen when I first saw it, only to find that number shrinking steadily, the more time passes and I look back on it? It was a valiant effort, Mr Snyder. Would have liked to see Aronofsky take that one on, in retrospect.

    Gah, more good news and less remakes, please Hollywood?

  4. ha ha, i totally got excited when i saw “the box” trailer. then again, i’ve never claimed to have good taste in movies, so i’m ok with it.

    i read a great essay on io9 the other day where the writer worried about “twilight” influencing the remake of “let the right one in,” i.e. are they gonna make the kids teenagers? i’ve already given up hope that the remake will be any good so whatevs.

  5. posh, i bet they will. And the romance factor will be upped to at least one PG-13 rated sex scene, instead of the sweet, tender, coming-of-age romance that it is, instead. And it will be gorier than the original, and the actors will all be SRSLY ATTRACTIVE and I will hate it.

  6. I join you in your frustration, Marla. All these remakes make me want to play “shake the baby” with Hollywood. Why do any of these need to be remade? Probably because everyone’s sitting around and writing a script and then they figure out that last night’s TBS movie sneaked into their subconscience and they ended up writing something really similar to Karate Kid and since it’s due next Tuesday, might as well see if they can buy the rights to it.

    I. am. simply. exhausted.

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