Hello again, unwilling congregants, to another Church of Friend-sponsored edition of News Day Tuesday. Back so soon, Reverend Jon? you ask. Better believe it, I answer. Let’s get right to it!
Rosemary’s Baby-Daddy and internationally-recognized pederast Roman Polanski was, as you have probably heard, arrested in land-of-watches-chocolate-and-extradition Switzerland this past week. This development has forced difficult questions such as: How many wonderful movies make up for drugging and fornicating with a thirteen-year-old nymphette? Five, six? The decision is, ultimately, up to the Swiss judiciary system.