The Official Smallville Drinking Game!

Hey, it’s official if I say it’s official!  But official or no, I can guarantee that it is the BEST Smallville Drinking Game.

I'm gonna mess you up!

Mr. Marla and I invented this game many years ago, bumming a few rules here and there from other drinking games we’ve found, but mostly of our own creation. And we play it a lot. Like, A LOT. Okay, more like…all the time. Don’t judge us! It’s really fun!

So obviously some of these rules only apply to early seasons, because we re-watch the old DVDs all the time. And regardless, I still find myself mightily tipsy playing this game during the current season, since most of these rules (read: “Clark”) are timeless.

Without further ado!

toastDrink ONCE every time…:

Someone says “Clark.”

Someone says “abilities.”

Kryptonite works as a plot device.

Clark storms into Lex’s (later, Tess’s) mansion, all: “J’accuse!

The show employs some blatant HoYay.

Lana makes it all about her.

Chloe (or Lois) solves the mystery on a whim, without having nearly enough information to do so.

Someone is admitted to Smallville Medical Center (or, in later seasons, Metropolis General Hospital).

A character says the title of the episode.

Someone gets a concussion.

Clark cock-blocks himself.

Lois beats someone up.

toasttoastDrink TWICE every time…:

Someone says “Clark Kent.”

Clark is shirtless.

Martha yells “Claaaaaark!” or “Jonathaaaaaan!” in panic.

There is a slow-motion CGI effect.

There is a scene from the credits.

There is a surprisingly clever and subtle allusion to the comic books or films.

Someone is driving while loud music is playing, and you know that means they’re going to crash.

There you have it, ladies and gents! These rules will TAKE CARE OF YOU. They will be the loving arms that rock you gently to sleep, regardless of the episode. Now, I generally drink beer for SDG, but I did invent a pretty spectacular Official Drink, if you’re really feeling themey. Named after the Mom With The Most (played by the fabulous Annette O’Toole), I give you:

martha kent The Martha Kent

2 oz. clear rum (vodka will do in a pinch)

4 oz. Clementine Izze (I’ve tried other fizzy orange drinks, and no substitute satisfies)

2 oz. pure pomegranate juice

The result is a sweet, tart and sparkly bevvie the same reddish-gold color as Mrs. Kent’s luscious locks! And I know, that’s a really weird thing to say, but that’s how I concocted it, and if I’m going to let that Nerd Flag Fly, I need to let it fly ALL THE WAY.

So have fun and be careful!  With the news that a 10th season is possibly imminent, hopefully you’ll have many more chances to play SDG in the future!

(check out my Smallville Season 9 report card here.)

8 Responses to “The Official Smallville Drinking Game!”

  1. “For Godsakes, STOP SAYING CLARK KENT!!!”

  2. LOL “the same reddish-gold color as Mrs. Kent’s luscious locks” HAHA!

  3. This is the best game ever! Everyone should go out and play it immediately. And then afterwards promptly check yourself into the Betty Ford clinic.

    Owww, my liver hurts.

  4. HUZZAH! i’m so glad that the smallville drinking game has been officially unveiled on the gilded stage of le internet!

    please tell me you sent this to moody…

  5. […] disclosure: When I watch Smallville, I play the Smallville Drinking Game invented by myself and @unclemustache. I’m sure there’s plenty to be said about my […]

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