It’s Recommends Day Wednesday!

As I watched Slither with the hubs for the umpteenth time on Saturday, reveling in the brilliance and the carnage, I was suddenly struck by a cold flash of panic. “Oh my god,” I muttered, chewing on my bottom lip, wringing my hands, prostrate with chagrin.

 “I forgot to put Slither on my Top 50 List.”

Now, as it so happens, after days of self-castigation and a vow to put things right as soon as I got back to my computer (Marla’s been on vacation!), I realized that, no, I actually had NOT forgotten to place Slither on my Top 50 Horror Movies of the Decade list. I also, in case you were wondering, did not neglect to include it on my Top 10 Halloween Must-See Movies list. Apparently, I’ve written about Slither all up and down this blog, so I have finally acknowledged that my misplaced anxiety and guilt are due to the fact that this mother needs a post of her very own! And so she shall have.

The delightfully twisted James Gunn wrote and directed a gooey and riotous Troma love letter, starring two of the most likable stars in Hollywood, Nathan Fillion (Bill) and Elizabeth Banks (Starla). Yes! Nathan Fillion! AND Elizabeth Banks! They’re utterly charming in this film, and they make a cute couple, no? Unfortunately, Bill is sorta married to his job as sheriff of the quaint town of Wheelsy, while Starla is married to THIS:

Yikes! Well, okay, he starts out looking more like Michael Rooker. Yes! I know! MICHAEL FUCKING ROOKER.

His name’s Grant Grant, he’s the richest guy in town and he and Starla have a complicated May-December relationship, made more complicated by the torch that’s clearly been burning between Starla and Sheriff Bill since about birth. Further complications are introduced by the alien parasite that transforms Grant into old Toothy McSquidface. The parasite spreads with a quickness, turning peaceful citizens into zombies with a vicious hive mind, until that small town of Wheelsy? She’s not so quaint anymore!

Aiding Bill and Starla in their heroic battle against The Universe’s Grossest and Most Efficient Aliens ™ are Mayor Jack MacReady (a sublime Gregg Henry), who has a PhD in cheese:

and bad-ass babe Kylie (Tania Saulnier), who takes the destruction of her entire town and life as she knows it in stone cold, alien-stomping stride:

(and no, I couldn’t find another picture of her to use, but even if I could, I wouldn’t, because that shot is amazing.)

Slither is one of those movies that, having rented it, as soon as the end credits roll, I’m on my laptop, ordering it from Amazon. It’s got something above and beyond, something undefinable. Sure, it’s easy enough to say “It’s a feminist zombie sci-fi flick with a trenchant cult sensibility and glorious amounts of the most spectacularly original gore you’ve ever seen!”, and yeah, that kinda nails it, but dammit if Slither doesn’t defy even that effusive description. It’s camp with budget and heart, a balls-out 80s ballad that takes every cult movie you’ve ever loved and turns it into something more. Just watch it, you! Watch it tonight! Go ahead and buy it without watching it because I promise you, you will love it! And, if it turns out that I’m wrong and you don’t love Slither, instead of offering a Money Back Guarantee, I will just punch you in the face because you are a humorless vacuum of suck.

The end!

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8 Responses to “It’s Recommends Day Wednesday!”

  1. marla, I would like to use your Punch In The Face guarantee from now on. May I borrow it?

    SLITHER OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Also it’s how I get people to watch Firefly.

  2. I wish I could gush about the end, but, alas, what if some fool hasn’t yet seen slither and I ruin everything?!

    I saw this mere months ago, and I am sad that so much of my life went without it. A+ indeed.

  3. What I love about Slither is that anyone who has seen it, digs it. Problem is that not that many people have seen it. I mean, it has 85% on Rotten Tomatoes. 85%! That rarely happens, even less so with a genre film. It must not have had a great marketing campaign because it didn’t do well box office-wise. I have to admit that the trailer left me with no desire to see it. That just happens sometimes. I think of it as the Kiss Kiss Bang Bang of the genre world. It just has this almost indescribable feel to it.

    Excellent review, m’lady. You’ve summed up this movie perfectly.

  4. xymarla Says:

    Thanks, stud! And Sally, I know, I had the exact same feeling when I first saw it: “HOW HAVE I WASTED SO MUCH TIME NOT HAVING SEEN THIS MOVIE??”

  5. jerryochoa Says:

    I never noticed till you posted that pic of Michael Rooker all creatured-out
    how directly the makeup is based on the creature designs in From Beyond! I know that sounds geeky, even for me, but there’s no way that was accidental – James Gunn knows as much about horror as anyone working right now. Michael Rookers character, post-transformation, is like Dr. Pretorius’ long-lost twin brother!

  6. Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It’s the only Coke I like.

  7. Jerry, I’ve thought that about From Beyond, too! Actually, because I’m ass-backwards, when we watched From Beyond, I thought “Dr. Pretorius looks like Grant Grant!”

    From Beyond review here: https://dannyisntheremrstorrance.wordpress.com/2009/07/17/stuart-gordon-retrospective-from-beyond/

  8. […] haven’t yet (blasphemy!). You can read my review of that brilliantly gory piece of schlock here. Like It, Stumble It, Reddit     Tags James GunnRainn WilsonSuperSuperhero […]

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