Welcome to a feature I like to call Don’t Make That, Make This Instead. Despite our most urgent pleas, Hollywood continues to sick up a gooey, incessant strand of movies about matrimony. (Now it’s Reese Witherspoon tagging along to a bachelor party, quelle surprise.) If you’re a woman in Hollywood and you want a leading role, you’d better be ready to embrace the nuptial–or the televisual, of course, because TV has tons of remarkable roles for women that have shockingly nothing to do with weddings, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, bridesmaids, exes getting married, or babies. It’s just been announced that Chloë Sevigny will star in a televised series about a transgender assassin, for instance. Answer me this, America: why would any actress opt to star in feature films about going to the chapel over mind-meltingly sensational TV material like that?
But listen, I’m not one to solely offer feckless complaints. I’m all about the constructive criticism. So I hit up my friends for suggestions, and in the spirit of cooperation, we offer thirty movie pitches that sound a hell of a lot more entertaining than Woman Attends Wedding, Wacky Shit Happens.
You can read them all over at Badass Digest!